


Fidelity

by cminerva



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Memories, Tahiti (Agents of SHIELD), spoilers through season five
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29415696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cminerva/pseuds/cminerva
Summary: The bond between Phil and Melinda was immediate and has held for decades. Melinda reflects on their partnership and the bond they've nurtured over the years as she and Phil share his final days in Tahiti. Written for the Quakerider Writers Guild Valentine's Day Challenge.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17
Collections: QuakeriderValentine'sDay





	Fidelity

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Philinda + honeysuckle
> 
> "Honeysuckle is the symbol of love. In the language of flowers it stands for the bond of love, devoted love and fidelity."
> 
> Fidelity: faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support.

Melinda took another sip of wine and smoothed her dress as the wind flipped the hem. It was more feminine than what she usually wore, but she hadn’t said anything when Daisy put it in her suitcase. Her world was already upside down, why not wear something different? Melinda could tell she was drifting towards melancholy again; it was always there waiting to smother her whenever Phil stepped into the other room or napped and left her to her thoughts,  something he had done more often over the past few days. When they first arrived on the island there was a burst of energy that allowed him to swim, to explore, to cook for her like he used to, to make love to her. But that energy had faded as the poison spread through his body and now they spent most of their time on the back patio with a view of the ocean, shielded from the rest of the world.

He was sleeping now, their happy banter from earlier replaced by the ambient sound of the waves and the occasional soft snore from the chair beside hers. Melinda blinked away tears as the heavy weight of grief spread across her like a blanket. She was too alert to any sign of distress from Phil to sleep but she closed her eyes and willed herself to think of the past, of regrets, a life long past, anything to keep from thinking of her impending loss.   
  


Phil and Melinda had been drawn to each other at the academy almost immediately. It was clear to everyone what Phil saw in Melinda; she was strong, capable, and witty. Intimidating, but easy to like, back then at least. She was also clever and recognized at once what so many others often failed to see, that Phil was smart, charismatic, and capable of much more than even he knew at the time. Their bond was immediate, though if you’d have asked, they both would have said they were just good friends. But Melinda didn’t get up an extra hour early to help other friends practice hand-to-hand combat and, though Phil was a generous friend, she suspected that he didn’t master just anyone’s family dishes as he had for those days when she felt homesick but refused to admit it. They always seemed to know what the other needed and found a way to provide it. 

After graduation, they often asked to work with one another, requests which were usually granted by their superiors as they did make a hell of a team out in the field. On the rare occasion they weren’t in the field together, they would find a way to check in between missions. They never needed to use the words “I was worried” to know that the other had been waiting for word that all was well. 

There were moments when their partnership was so easy, the thrill of another successful mission still fresh in their blood, that the affection between them shifted into something heavier, something  _ more _ . But they weren’t experts in their respective roles without discipline and that self-control pulled them back to their usual companionable, platonic ease. Melinda had often thought about what it might be like to explore that unspoken desire they each saw in the other and she suspected Phil had too. 

Then Melinda met Andrew. Perhaps it should have been uncomfortable to figure out how Phil would fit into her life now that there was someone else stepping in to look after her heart, but somehow it wasn’t. Phil was her partner, and though at times that partnership had included more affection and care than those between their fellow agents it didn’t change their dedication to one another in and out of the field once Andrew came along.

After Bahrain and Melinda’s self-imposed exile, an outsider may have assumed their partnership, their bond, had broken. But while Melinda pushed people away and buried herself in work that kept her from harming anyone, Phil held out hope, pouring enough warmth, care and affection into the space between them to keep it alive. It was only later, when the truth behind TAHITI and the creation of the Bus crew came to light that the bond began to fray. 

It seemed so long ago now, but Melinda could still recall the pain in her chest where she’d held all her guilt over the deception. The pain of his rejection. The dizzying smell of the flowers in the cemetery as she dug up his grave, desperate to bring Phil the answers he needed and maybe earn his forgiveness, regain his trust.  They reunited, but their partnership had been tested. For the first time it really felt like they had each taken a step away from each other. 

Rebuilding SHIELD, his carving and her taking care of him, felt a little like rebuilding their bond, but there were moments - Melinda swallowed hard at the bitter memory of the secrets he kept from her - that made them both question where they stood.

And when it seemed that tenuous bond was the thing holding them together when everything else was falling apart - robots, space, losing their friends and their home - Phil had chosen to let himself die. And Melinda was so damn angry because he should have been fighting to live. He should have been fighting for her, for them, for every early morning and late night and each ugly battle and the patching each other up that followed; fighting for every moment they held on for each other because it always went without saying that they needed each other. They had always held on when things felt impossible because they knew the other was going to do the same. Sometimes that felt like love, sometimes like friendship, and often like the passion that lived just under the surface, but it had always been there and now he was giving up.

  
  


Melinda thought about all of this as she laid in the lounge chair. The heady scent of flowers combined with the wine to make her head feel heavy, but the memories still came easily and dwelling in memory was preferable to thinking of the future, a future without Phil. 

Phil gave a start as he woke and Melinda was at his side immediately. The pain medication Simmons had left with them often made him disoriented and Phil’s eyes were wild as he looked around, unable to sit up without Melinda’s firm hand on his back.

“Hey,” Melinda drew his focus to her and rubbed his back. “I’m right here Phil. I’m still here.”

Phil let out a long sigh and nodded, laying back. Melinda remained there, kneeling on the woven rug. She watched Phil as he slept, holding enough love and care in the space between them to keep the bond alive, for a little longer at least.


End file.
